Have you ever had an argument or a disagreement with someone who wouldn’t consider your point of view? And you know that you are right and they are wrong so you feel frustrated that they other person would listen? Handling arguments like this is a skill that you can develop.

The first thing that you need to realize is that nobody is every right or wrong unless you have a frame of reference. Your own frame of reference is grounded in your own experience. If you know something to be true then you are usually deriving that truth from your own experience. Everybody else is doing just the same. So convincing another person that you are right and they are wrong is a completely unproductive way of handling arguments.

Instead, aim to inform the other person of how you are looking at things and point out deficiencies in their arguments by introducing counterexamples. At some point you will realize that you are not always right either. In fact, nobody is always right. You will realize this fact as you start reading literature that challenges your beliefs.

Accepting that we might be wrong is the first step that is necessary for growth because that’s when we open ourselves up to alternative points of view. There is nothing wrong with being persuasive, poking holes in other peoples ideas and explaining why your point of view is right – however it’s never very productive to blindly disagree with an idea without even considering the other person’s point of view.

Let’s look at the possible reasons that a person may disagree with your opinions:

  • Different Level Of Understanding. The other person is not at the same level of understanding as you are. They may know a lot about a single area of knowledge – but they are unable to see the bigger picture. It is difficult to convince such a person because they would have to first abandon their current point of view before they can consider your point of view. “Often when we categorize something as wrong or bad, it is because we do not possess the breadth of vision to see it’s necessity in the overall breadth of things.” In which case you would need to focus on educating the person about the greater picture of how things are.
  • Different Perspective. They are looking at the issue from a different perspective without realizing that your point of view is just as valid as theirs. In which case you may both be right and the whole issue is just a matter of minor misunderstanding that naturally occurs because people tend to interpret the same piece of information differently depending on their previous experience. This is a typical issue that people run into when discussing religious issues because many religious beliefs are simply different ways of looking at the same thing.
  • Different Experiences. The person whom you are talking to may have experiences that contradict what you are proposing to be the truth. You will naturally assume something to always be true if all your experiences tell you that things work in a certain manner. However another person might have a completely different set of experiences that disprove your beliefs. In which case you may in fact be wrong. You might need to open yourself up to new perspectives.

This system of looking at potential arguments/debates is a very empowering one because all the alternatives are positive. It frames arguments and debates as opportunities for growth rather than situations to be avoided. Instead of worrying that somebody may disagree with you, start saying what you think and see what happens. If people disagree then it’s only positive – it means you have the opportunity to learn something.

When I was in sales for almost nine months, I had the chance to experience many arguments with customers on the features of the product. When I first started, I would sometimes say things that would turn out to be false later during the conversation. Situations like these are always uncomfortable because our ego gets involved and we have to admit to ourselves that we have made a mistake. However, as we gain more knowledge we can avoid situations like this and have an upper hand when it comes to being right.

When I started reading non fictional literature on the subjects of business and philosophy, I had a whole spectrum of beliefs that were seriously challenged by all the new ideas that I was absorbing from all these successful authors. The beliefs that I previously had were mostly things that I have learned from experience while growing up and from my parents. I saw how the time proven ideas found in this books actually made more sense than the ideas I was forming based on my limited experience in living. This was a very positive experience for me.

If you want to practice your skills in handling arguments then find something on this website that you disagree with and we can have an interesting discussion. Who knows, perhaps we both end up a step closer to the truth.